I am PREGNANT, again! This news came to us on Friday, after a week of vomiting and diarrhea that wouldn't go away. I was completely shocked, so why did I even take a test? Well my mother-in-law asked me twice, "Are you sure you aren't pregnant?" (of course she asked me in Spanish, as she doesn't speak any English), and my response was to laugh. Did you read my last post, my husband and I are dealing with difficulties in our marriage and pregnancy is almost impossible. However, I started trying to remember the last time my dear Aunt Flow came to visit, and it seems I am about 2 weeks late. AAAHHHH???? How, why, what in the hell are we going to do?
Thursday night, I get up the guts to tell Paul that I am late. His response, killing flies and mosquitoes, it was kinda funny and I could tell he was thinking. He did this, searching and killing for like 45 min. Finally, coming to sit with me on the couch and asking me how I felt about this. My response, tears. His, we have to work this out whether there is a baby or not. Um, THANK YOU GOD. Fasting gave me something I never expected, and a true miracle because in all honesty I didn't know you could ovulate just days after Aunt Flow packs up and leaves. Boy is God great.
Friday, I call my sister, Lucy and tell her that I have an emergency and I need to talk. We Skype all day and I finally have to pee so I can take the test. I don't tell her because then we will both suffer through a 3 min eternity together and it would probably prompt her to sing...haha! To my surprise, there are two blue lines and I want to faint. Lucy is feeling me and just looks at me when I tell her. "I have to call Paul, be quiet!", "Oh my God, Mom is gonna kill me", "The line is busy", "Lucy what am I gonna do?", and so on. When I finally get up with Paul, he is elated, excited, beside himself.
I don't know what it is, but my husband is the happiest when I am pregnant. He has been glowing since he found out. Of course, this makes me happy. He is telling everyone it is a girl this time...he is totally gonna jinx us! I am feeling different this time, boobs aren't terribly sore and I am not vomiting every 5 mins, yet. I am praying that God will help me this time and keep my vomiting to a minimum!
Oh, and my mom didn't kill me, she is excited! And, I am looking forward to my six month visit home, can't wait for American food!!! Well, this is it for now. Thank you to everyone for your prayers, God is listening and has something great up His sleeve!
"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." James 1:5 NIV
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Once again...
He, I am referring to God, has heard me and answered ever so sweetly. I didn't tell many of you, but I decided last Wednesday to fast while praying for my marriage. My dear husband and I have been skating on very thin ice for quite sometime. Sometimes we are able to find stable ground, but it doesn't last for long and once again we find ourselves feeling alone, and without hope. So, what did I choose to give up? Coke, caffeine, coffee, anything that wasn't water. Water was all I could have from Thursday morning when I woke up until Monday morning when I woke up. Talk about hard, I live in Ecuador, Coke is the only thing (besides JIF peanut butter) that tastes exactly the same as it does at home. Coke is my daily reward, my one thing that I didn't have to give up, but I did. I prayed each morning and each time my head pounded from the lack of caffeine, and I found myself on my knees asking God to help my marriage, soften my husbands heart, and to bring us a counselor that would be able to save this marriage.
Daily as I went through this process I saw where God was answering my prayers and subtly showing me His glory. Of course, Satan does his best, too. He would squeeze himself in every once-in-a-while to say, "Nana, nana, boo, boo, stick your head in doo, doo!" I'm telling you that is what he said. Yet, the power of God helped me to turn my back and walk from what Satan wanted me to do without looking back, without fear, and with great power. You see Satan loves to see Paul and I fight, it is like a really big boxing match on HBO for him and for us well, we get stuck with bruised hearts, swollen feelings and cauliflower ear. Through my faith and constant prayer, I was able to walk away before the fight begun, I was able to set my pride aside, set aside the yearning for that really big champion's belt, and let God deal with what was going on in Paul's heart at that moment.
Please, sit down for this, I am about to admit something that may shock you and cause you to get a little light headed. I HAVE GIVEN UP CONTROL...that's right...I surrender, everything, all emotions, all problems, all bad news, all of everything to HIM, to God. I am seeing now (when it was told to me months ago) that I must complain up! Let me say that again, COMPLAIN UP. What will complaining to my husband get me, where will it take me, probably to an emotional boxing match. But, when I complain up to my Father, I am talking to the ONE with all of the control, to the only ONE who can actually do anything about whatever is going on.
Tonight, I asked God to give me something to share with my husband, something to show Paul that we are not the only ones who struggle with our differences. Sure enough, God answered me and brought me to an old email that I was about to delete. The email talked about husband and wife, both believers, who would do what they call "throwing flesh balls" at one another...what is that? Well that is when you are throwing ugly, hurtful, damaging words at one another just to satisfy the flesh. She talks about how we are able to keep it together with co-workers, friends, but when it comes to family it is a totally different story. Boy is she right.
So, what to do with this now? I will meditate on it, I will pray about it and I will live "walking by the Spirit" instead of "gratifying the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). Continue to pray with me, for my marriage, my husband, my sanity...And, know that you are not alone in an "at times ugly marriage". We all deal with it, and what should we do to fix it? Complain Up, ask God to walk with you and help you when the devil comes to start a new round in your marriage.
"Hatred starts fights, but love pulls a quilt over the bickering. You'll find wisdom on the lips of a person of insight," Proverbs 10:12-13a The Message
Daily as I went through this process I saw where God was answering my prayers and subtly showing me His glory. Of course, Satan does his best, too. He would squeeze himself in every once-in-a-while to say, "Nana, nana, boo, boo, stick your head in doo, doo!" I'm telling you that is what he said. Yet, the power of God helped me to turn my back and walk from what Satan wanted me to do without looking back, without fear, and with great power. You see Satan loves to see Paul and I fight, it is like a really big boxing match on HBO for him and for us well, we get stuck with bruised hearts, swollen feelings and cauliflower ear. Through my faith and constant prayer, I was able to walk away before the fight begun, I was able to set my pride aside, set aside the yearning for that really big champion's belt, and let God deal with what was going on in Paul's heart at that moment.
Please, sit down for this, I am about to admit something that may shock you and cause you to get a little light headed. I HAVE GIVEN UP CONTROL...that's right...I surrender, everything, all emotions, all problems, all bad news, all of everything to HIM, to God. I am seeing now (when it was told to me months ago) that I must complain up! Let me say that again, COMPLAIN UP. What will complaining to my husband get me, where will it take me, probably to an emotional boxing match. But, when I complain up to my Father, I am talking to the ONE with all of the control, to the only ONE who can actually do anything about whatever is going on.
Tonight, I asked God to give me something to share with my husband, something to show Paul that we are not the only ones who struggle with our differences. Sure enough, God answered me and brought me to an old email that I was about to delete. The email talked about husband and wife, both believers, who would do what they call "throwing flesh balls" at one another...what is that? Well that is when you are throwing ugly, hurtful, damaging words at one another just to satisfy the flesh. She talks about how we are able to keep it together with co-workers, friends, but when it comes to family it is a totally different story. Boy is she right.
So, what to do with this now? I will meditate on it, I will pray about it and I will live "walking by the Spirit" instead of "gratifying the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). Continue to pray with me, for my marriage, my husband, my sanity...And, know that you are not alone in an "at times ugly marriage". We all deal with it, and what should we do to fix it? Complain Up, ask God to walk with you and help you when the devil comes to start a new round in your marriage.
"Hatred starts fights, but love pulls a quilt over the bickering. You'll find wisdom on the lips of a person of insight," Proverbs 10:12-13a The Message
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Did I mention...
I started this blog while home sick with a stomach virus that I got from my mother-in-law. And, now my son has it and my husband is trying to avoid getting it. That's right, I have been working on this all day between bathroom runs and sips of Pedialyte. Now, I am so excited because I found the app for blogspot for my itouch! Anyways, just thought I would try posting from here to see how it comes out! Going to bed... Nite!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Where to start...
Well first things first, how in the heck did I become so computer illiterate? I can't figure this blogging thing out to save my life, yet I am needing to start this so that I can get all of my feelings out on paper (or screen, whatever). I don't know how well I will do at all of this writing stuff, I know that I love to write and that I need an outlet, so here it goes.
I read a few blogs almost daily and at the end of each read, I feel relieved. Of what, I am not sure, but I have been talking (to God) about writing my own blog and seeing where it takes me. I feel a need to be transparent, to let a little bit of the world in on my story and to speak to those as God wants me to. I also feel the need to learn as much as possible from those who read my blog. As a mother and wife, I crave information. I want to be the best or at least do my best at the jobs given to me.
I am grateful for this outlet, for the opportunity to write and let go of things pent up inside of me.
"My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me." Psalm 62:7
I read a few blogs almost daily and at the end of each read, I feel relieved. Of what, I am not sure, but I have been talking (to God) about writing my own blog and seeing where it takes me. I feel a need to be transparent, to let a little bit of the world in on my story and to speak to those as God wants me to. I also feel the need to learn as much as possible from those who read my blog. As a mother and wife, I crave information. I want to be the best or at least do my best at the jobs given to me.
I am grateful for this outlet, for the opportunity to write and let go of things pent up inside of me.
"My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me." Psalm 62:7
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