He, I am referring to God, has heard me and answered ever so sweetly. I didn't tell many of you, but I decided last Wednesday to fast while praying for my marriage. My dear husband and I have been skating on very thin ice for quite sometime. Sometimes we are able to find stable ground, but it doesn't last for long and once again we find ourselves feeling alone, and without hope. So, what did I choose to give up? Coke, caffeine, coffee, anything that wasn't water. Water was all I could have from Thursday morning when I woke up until Monday morning when I woke up. Talk about hard, I live in Ecuador, Coke is the only thing (besides JIF peanut butter) that tastes exactly the same as it does at home. Coke is my daily reward, my one thing that I didn't have to give up, but I did. I prayed each morning and each time my head pounded from the lack of caffeine, and I found myself on my knees asking God to help my marriage, soften my husbands heart, and to bring us a counselor that would be able to save this marriage.
Daily as I went through this process I saw where God was answering my prayers and subtly showing me His glory. Of course, Satan does his best, too. He would squeeze himself in every once-in-a-while to say, "Nana, nana, boo, boo, stick your head in doo, doo!" I'm telling you that is what he said. Yet, the power of God helped me to turn my back and walk from what Satan wanted me to do without looking back, without fear, and with great power. You see Satan loves to see Paul and I fight, it is like a really big boxing match on HBO for him and for us well, we get stuck with bruised hearts, swollen feelings and cauliflower ear. Through my faith and constant prayer, I was able to walk away before the fight begun, I was able to set my pride aside, set aside the yearning for that really big champion's belt, and let God deal with what was going on in Paul's heart at that moment.
Please, sit down for this, I am about to admit something that may shock you and cause you to get a little light headed. I HAVE GIVEN UP CONTROL...that's right...I surrender, everything, all emotions, all problems, all bad news, all of everything to HIM, to God. I am seeing now (when it was told to me months ago) that I must complain up! Let me say that again, COMPLAIN UP. What will complaining to my husband get me, where will it take me, probably to an emotional boxing match. But, when I complain up to my Father, I am talking to the ONE with all of the control, to the only ONE who can actually do anything about whatever is going on.
Tonight, I asked God to give me something to share with my husband, something to show Paul that we are not the only ones who struggle with our differences. Sure enough, God answered me and brought me to an old email that I was about to delete. The email talked about husband and wife, both believers, who would do what they call "throwing flesh balls" at one another...what is that? Well that is when you are throwing ugly, hurtful, damaging words at one another just to satisfy the flesh. She talks about how we are able to keep it together with co-workers, friends, but when it comes to family it is a totally different story. Boy is she right.
So, what to do with this now? I will meditate on it, I will pray about it and I will live "walking by the Spirit" instead of "gratifying the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). Continue to pray with me, for my marriage, my husband, my sanity...And, know that you are not alone in an "at times ugly marriage". We all deal with it, and what should we do to fix it? Complain Up, ask God to walk with you and help you when the devil comes to start a new round in your marriage.
"Hatred starts fights, but love pulls a quilt over the bickering. You'll find wisdom on the lips of a person of insight," Proverbs 10:12-13a The Message
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