The Walls...

We were startled awake to the sound of Zeke throwing up at 4:30 am. I think he may have eaten too much on our happy Saturday. He had an array of different foods, plus a good amount of watermelon seeds. So, needless to say we were up for the morning, all three of us and didn't get to take a nap until about 7:30. At 11:30 we woke. I was feeling more than depressed. I don't know if I can articulate the feeling that had taken over. I felt like a child, like I was 12 years old, and I didn't have the ability to make any decisions. Like I was married and pregnant at the age of 12 and I was sad. I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to move. I wanted to feel like an adult, but I felt trapped.

I couldn't tell you what day I got out of the hospital. I couldn't tell you what the day or date is. I know it is a day in September and the year is 2010. These walls have been closing in on me and I am losing my mind. I don't sleep well at night, with the baby partying and my sweet husbands light snore it is very difficult. Plus, I am not tired. I am in bed all day, and I find myself asleep at random times throughout. I just want things to be back to normal. Paul tried to get me to talk to him and all I could do was stare and tell him that it wasn't a good idea, I needed to be alone. He hadn't done anything wrong, hell he is doing everything more than right. Poor thing is cleaning, cooking, running after Zeke, checking on me constantly and trying to maintain his business all at the same time.

Finally, I snapped. "Get me out of this house. Now." I couldn't stand it anymore. The walls, they were coming down on me. I started crying. "Paul please, just take me out for a ride in the car. I need to get out of this house and see something, anything." Of course, he would move the Cotopaxi if I asked him too. He told me to give him a minute to think about where to go, so I got in the shower. And, I cried some more. I felt like I had cabin fever or something. I don't even know how many days I have been home from the hospital, it can't be too many.

So, he got me out of this bed, out of this house. Zeke was excited to have me go out the front door with them for once. He had on his sunglasses and was looking really cool. We went riding through the neighborhood first. Then he took me to get a brownie at the Hyper Market. We drove some more, but Paul made sure to go slow. He was worried about hitting bumps. I had the window down, and with every few miles I felt the life come back into me. Paul took me to Quito to do some site seeing, from the car window of course. And, I was finally coming back. Like a black and white photo that is slowly painted in. I was becoming brilliant, in living color. We were gone all afternoon and into the evening. And, when it was time to come back, I was OK. I was ready and not wanting to protest. I was inflated again and ready to return.

I am so thankful. My husband worried the entire time, but in the end it was worth it. I think he could see the difference in the girl he took out of the house and the woman he brought back home. I was refreshed and full of energy again. I was also exhausted, and from what? A car ride? Yes. It drained me, completely. Getting up to my room was a challenge, but I did it and I didn't say a word about being tired. I couldn't complain if I had to, I am so very appreciative that Paul took me out and helped me to find my sanity.

So, tomorrow I will be here again. All day in my bed. I will be on my iTouch, playing Lock 'n' roll, breeding fake fish, a little bit of Bejeweled 2, constant checks on Twitter and Facebook, and I think I can handle it. Tuesday I get to go to the doctor and then I will get another fresh-air fix! For now, I am going to bed. I should sleep very well tonight, and if I don't, well there is always tomorrow.

God please help me get through the next few weeks of bed rest. Give me mental strength and keep me busy. Help me to keep my sanity and help me to remember that You are in charge and that You are with me every second of everyday. Thank you Lord. In Your name and in the name of Your son Jesus Christ. Amen