In My Absence

Four months, that's right it has been four months since I have posted anything. I left here, home four months ago and abandoned my blog. I was a puking, skinny mess when I left. Zeke had even started mimicking my puking noises and thought that that was what the toilet was for. My mom came to save me, take care of me and Zeke and Paul because I was too sick to do anything. Pregnancy just isn't my thing, I can do the mom thing, I can handle the baby-toddler-kid part, I just can't do pregnancy.

So I went home. To Babylon. Yes that's right. If you have done the Beth Moore study of Daniel you will totally understand. I went to be comfortable, eat great food, get fat. I do say I needed it, but while I was home Babylon swallowed my family whole.

I was invited by the church at home to join and study with a group of wonderful women. I was so excited I couldn't stand it, I needed a group of women at home! I am always terrified to go home because of my "fun" past and what others may have heard or think about me. I hate going out in public and seeing people there because they have an idea about me that I don't want people to have. I am a changed woman, yet when put back in my hometown the change seems minimal. So, a group of Godly women to have beside me, to walk with me in my own hometown was something that I was thirsty for. Not to mention, my best friend of over 20 yrs was doing it with me. What more could I ask for. I must insert here that I didn't get the chance to finish the study with the women or Beth Moore. Babylon started attacking my family, and I had to put on my armor and go out on the battle field for them.

I prayed that my family would understand that money and materials would not sustain them, that they would be shown that God was the only way. That was my first prayer when I started the study of Daniel. However, I didn't know that God was listening so intently or that things would progress so rapidly.

My dad has had his business for over 32 years. He has always acclaimed to be the "best damn attorney in the world"! And, he still is. He is also too loving, too caring and too trusting. Is that possible? Well yes it is. He has always taken care of his secretaries, they have always had what they needed, if there was trouble or a problem John the Hammer Mauney was there to fix it for them, even if that meant that he went without. Mom and Dad loved their office staff and would have done (and have done) anything for them. Too bad that was all taken advantage of.

Dad had to make some changes to staff letting some ladies go due to the hard economic times, but kept his two "daughters" because he knew that as much as he needed them, they were needing him too. They both have family's young children and husbands that have been effected by the recent economic crisis, as well. And, their kids were like grandchildren. Mom and Dad are Nanny Bit and Papa John to all four of them.

One was his source of laughter, bringing him up, keeping things and clients in check. She dealt with criminals and she was good at it. She was his daily smile! And, she is so close to our family, I was there for the birth of both of her children, held her puke kidney, I call her when I need to talk, share everything with her! I have known her since I was 17 and have always looked up to her. She decided to leave in the beginning of the summer because she knew that times were tough and that he couldn't afford to keep her as she needed to be making more to keep up with her families needs. We couldn't really get rid of her though, she joined us at the pool every weekend and set up play dates for her kids and Zeke. She was still a constant. This is where I came in and started working for Dad. I could only make so much money due to my government assistance. And, I knew the office and how it worked better than anyone else. There wouldn't need to be much training, just getting to know prices and who to talk to at the courthouse for criminal questions.

The other was Dad's buddy. They had a great friendship. They understood one another on a different level. Dad was sensitive with her because she had a rough childhood, her family wasn't around, she had some facial scaring that she was very self conscious about and Dad got it. He helped her in every way that he could. They stayed in touch all the time via text messaging, sharing jokes or picking with one another. Dad was her Dad essentially, she didn't have that and it was just what she needed. She took on the burden of doing almost everything in the office and she was rewarded her for doing so.

Dad felt great. He had five kids, not three. He was able to be there for two more people, two people who looked up to him and trusted him. Two people who he could definitely trust. So, what the hell happened.

Well The latter of the two, gained his trust. He trusted her blindly. And, she robbed him blind. That's right. The State Bar calls and freezes his Trust accounts due to a bounced check. Actually, due to 5 bounced checks that he has been "notified" about, yet he has no idea. Why? She sabotaged his computer, saying that it had a virus and she couldn't fix it. She intercepted all of his emails, all of his mail and refrained from telling him that here was a problem. Why would she do that? Because she was moving money around and taking it. She didn't want him to worry, if he worried then Big Martha would come in and behind her would be Mean Kaye and they would discover what she was doing. This is exactly what happened when the Bar froze everything. And, we couldn't figure out what was wrong. The first questions the Bar asked, "Could the bookkeeper be doing something fraudulent?" Dad's answer, "Absolutely not! She is like a daughter to me and that is not what is going on, it must be a simple mistake!" Sorry Dad. After Big Martha and Mean Kaye started reconciling and going through the accounts they found discrepancy after discrepancy. She was taking money little by little, and moving things and making the biggest mess possible to hide it all. So, the police are now involved, she is fired. And, we are left to try and clean up a mess that is absolutely impossible to clean up. She deleted programs before she left, she took files, she sabotaged everything to try and save her some time. That is all it can do because she will be discovered.

So, now what do we do. Dad freaks out, he doesn't want to hurt her family, doesn't want her children to suffer. It isn't their fault. He gets sick with the flu and pneumonia, the stress literally eats him alive. Big Martha, Mean Kaye, Lucy and the twins, and myself go into action to start fixing stuff. The other secretary who had recently quit comes back to help, along with two other secretaries. All for free. There is no money. And, we work to try and get the Bar the things they need for the audit they are performing. We have to get things that are nearly impossible after the destruction of some of the programs. We have to filter all open files to other attorneys and turn down all business. We were closing up shop, this was it. This law office is all we know. I have worked for my dad for as long as I can remember, seriously. This is all that I know for my family and one person has single handedly ripped it away. We cried, all of us, at some point each day we were there. And, we would lay awake at night, not able to sleep, trying to figure out what we were going to do. We got things together for the audit on time, not everything, but as much as we could. And, the police and the Bar tell us that this investigation could take up to a year. A year? Seriously? How is Dad supposed to work? How do bills get paid? The only thing to do is to leave, go find jobs and start over, after 32 years.

We worked and stressed until we couldn't do it anymore. I had to make a decision as to what to do for Zeke and myself. We couldn't keep living with Nanny Bit and Papa John. They need their time and space to think and reorganize, to find a new place to live so that they can work to survive. I needed to come home. Thank God my husband was missing us just enough that he was begging us to join him and make things work here in Ecuador.

So, I came back. Zeke and I came home. Of course, the trip was stressful and the change in altitude hard. We made it though. I am now able to breath and get through my day without the stress of Babylon. The things that I thought I could get from the US, I can get right here. I have a wonderful doctor, I have great hospitals, and I have my family. Babylon offered me stress, and fear and good food. Every time I lay here with my husband and he can feel the baby kicking, I smile and then get scared all at once. What if I wake up? What if this is a dream? But, it isn't. This is real, and Zeke gets to go "bye bye" with Daddy and I get to enjoy having my husband around to help out and to watch me as I get fatter (if that is even possible). I am now on bed rest, with the fear of having a premature baby, but I am doing it and I am enjoying the fact that my husband is the one with me, taking care of me.

Mom and Dad are figuring things out, or God is figuring it out for them. Things are coming up here and there, opportunities of a lifetime that would have never come about otherwise. And, I can relax knowing that Zeke and I are not in their way, that we are where we should be and that Mom and Dad have their space. No stress, no screaming two year old, no bed ridden daughter. I feel like this would have happened regardless due to the stress and then they would have had more to deal with.

Now, I pray. I pray that Babylon doesn't eat them, but that they learn to escape the pretty sparkly deceptions that Babylon portrays. That God takes my parents on a journey that they will learn from. And, that God will stand up beside them and walk them down the road to the place that He wants them to be. I pray that I will be able to forgive the selfish young girl that took everything away, and that her family won't have to suffer, but that she will learn a lesson.

I have to thank the Summer Sisters for being the rock that I needed when Babylon took over. I have to thank them for inviting me in and helping me to learn enough about Babylon to see just what destruction would look like when it came time. And, for being so loving and supportive. They shared with me more than I expected and I learned so much from each and every woman I had the opportunity to meet.

I also must thank my parents. They are always there when I need them. When I need to come home, to get better, or to just get a little taste of the US they are so supportive. Dad has always been the strength of our family, he has always made things work and has always provided for us one way or another. He has always loved us, he always hugged us and made sure we knew we were loved. Mom, has always been there to make sure things are in order and working properly. She has been the one that fought for each of us, whether in school with teachers, or with friends. She always took our side and was there standing firm. We are so lucky to have them, we are so fortunate that they raised us right and taught us what it is to be honest and trustworthy. I couldn't have done half of the things I have done in my life if it hadn't been for them and for that I am grateful.

I have written a book here and I apologize. I just needed to get this all out, and to be able to clear my mind of the thing that has been causing so much pain since August 19th. Now that I am free of this, I will move on and concentrate on my family and my unborn child. I will rest easy and know that this is going to be a beautiful experience and that God his with me, holding me every step of the way.

"On Christ the solid rock I stand! All other ground is sinking sand." Posted on Twitter by MckMama

He's growing up.

We got rid of the bottle at his first birthday. We lost his only pacifier about two weeks ago. Yesterday he ate a bowl of cereal (with the help of Nanny Bit) for breakfast and a hamburger all by himself for lunch! Yes, my baby boy is seriously getting to be too big. It breaks my heart, but there again I am soooo proud of him! Thought I would share an update pic of Zeke!

Thank God for...

MY MOTHER! I have spent the last 2 months vomiting and gagging and vomiting some more. I lost 17 pounds and absolutely none of my clothes fit! Mamma came March 31 and is still here, helping me daily with everything. I don't know what I would do without her, the smell of a dirty diaper sends me into a gagging fit! Nanny Bit, as Zeke will hopefully one day will be able to say (Bi is what he calls her for now) has been spending all of her time with her sweet baby boy! Zeke absolutely adores her and when he gets up in the morning is trying to go into her room to wake her up. I am so excited to see him with his Papa John when we return home! I couldn't have asked for better grandparents for my babies. I had a friend say tonight that Grandparents are only good for playing with the grandchildren. I set him straight right quick! Not my Mamma! She really is a HUGE help! Cooks, cleans, changes nasty Zeke butt, and so much more. Of course, Zeke helps, too! When I am throwing up he comes in the bathroom with me and pretends he is throwing up, too. And, then proceeds to shut the toilet lit on my head! Isn't he so sweet! It actually makes me laugh and feel a little better!

I must say, even with the sickness I know that I am blessed. I will be leaving soon to go back home, and I don't know whether to be completely excited or sickened even more with sadness. Paul will not be able to join me and once again I will be giving birth without my husband. This time I know that I can do it, without worrying about the bond of new baby and Daddy. Zeke loves his Daddy more than anything in this world. I guess that will be the hardest part, having to take Zeke away from Paul for 6 months. I pray for a miracle, that God will somehow make it possible for Paul to be there with me, but I know and accept that that may not be part of His plan! I will do whatever it is I have to do, knowing that the love of my life is here waiting for me and our 2 children to return. I am positive that I will have days where I just don't think I can do it without him, where Satan tries to step in and make me weak. I will push through though and all in my hope and faith in Christ! This baby is a true miracle from God and I move forward knowing that He has plans for my family that I can't even imagine! How wonderful! Please continue to pray for Paul, Zeke, Baby #2 and me! And, if you could pray that Baby #2 is a girl!!!


“But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” 1 Peter 3:15 (NIV)

Yes, it's true...

I am PREGNANT, again! This news came to us on Friday, after a week of vomiting and diarrhea that wouldn't go away. I was completely shocked, so why did I even take a test? Well my mother-in-law asked me twice, "Are you sure you aren't pregnant?" (of course she asked me in Spanish, as she doesn't speak any English), and my response was to laugh. Did you read my last post, my husband and I are dealing with difficulties in our marriage and pregnancy is almost impossible. However, I started trying to remember the last time my dear Aunt Flow came to visit, and it seems I am about 2 weeks late. AAAHHHH???? How, why, what in the hell are we going to do?
Thursday night, I get up the guts to tell Paul that I am late. His response, killing flies and mosquitoes, it was kinda funny and I could tell he was thinking. He did this, searching and killing for like 45 min. Finally, coming to sit with me on the couch and asking me how I felt about this. My response, tears. His, we have to work this out whether there is a baby or not. Um, THANK YOU GOD. Fasting gave me something I never expected, and a true miracle because in all honesty I didn't know you could ovulate just days after Aunt Flow packs up and leaves. Boy is God great.
Friday, I call my sister, Lucy and tell her that I have an emergency and I need to talk. We Skype all day and I finally have to pee so I can take the test. I don't tell her because then we will both suffer through a 3 min eternity together and it would probably prompt her to sing...haha! To my surprise, there are two blue lines and I want to faint. Lucy is feeling me and just looks at me when I tell her. "I have to call Paul, be quiet!", "Oh my God, Mom is gonna kill me", "The line is busy", "Lucy what am I gonna do?", and so on. When I finally get up with Paul, he is elated, excited, beside himself.
I don't know what it is, but my husband is the happiest when I am pregnant. He has been glowing since he found out. Of course, this makes me happy. He is telling everyone it is a girl this time...he is totally gonna jinx us! I am feeling different this time, boobs aren't terribly sore and I am not vomiting every 5 mins, yet. I am praying that God will help me this time and keep my vomiting to a minimum!
Oh, and my mom didn't kill me, she is excited! And, I am looking forward to my six month visit home, can't wait for American food!!! Well, this is it for now. Thank you to everyone for your prayers, God is listening and has something great up His sleeve!

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." James 1:5 NIV

Once again...

He, I am referring to God, has heard me and answered ever so sweetly. I didn't tell many of you, but I decided last Wednesday to fast while praying for my marriage. My dear husband and I have been skating on very thin ice for quite sometime. Sometimes we are able to find stable ground, but it doesn't last for long and once again we find ourselves feeling alone, and without hope. So, what did I choose to give up? Coke, caffeine, coffee, anything that wasn't water. Water was all I could have from Thursday morning when I woke up until Monday morning when I woke up. Talk about hard, I live in Ecuador, Coke is the only thing (besides JIF peanut butter) that tastes exactly the same as it does at home. Coke is my daily reward, my one thing that I didn't have to give up, but I did. I prayed each morning and each time my head pounded from the lack of caffeine, and I found myself on my knees asking God to help my marriage, soften my husbands heart, and to bring us a counselor that would be able to save this marriage.
Daily as I went through this process I saw where God was answering my prayers and subtly showing me His glory. Of course, Satan does his best, too. He would squeeze himself in every once-in-a-while to say, "Nana, nana, boo, boo, stick your head in doo, doo!" I'm telling you that is what he said. Yet, the power of God helped me to turn my back and walk from what Satan wanted me to do without looking back, without fear, and with great power. You see Satan loves to see Paul and I fight, it is like a really big boxing match on HBO for him and for us well, we get stuck with bruised hearts, swollen feelings and cauliflower ear. Through my faith and constant prayer, I was able to walk away before the fight begun, I was able to set my pride aside, set aside the yearning for that really big champion's belt, and let God deal with what was going on in Paul's heart at that moment.
Please, sit down for this, I am about to admit something that may shock you and cause you to get a little light headed. I HAVE GIVEN UP CONTROL...that's right...I surrender, everything, all emotions, all problems, all bad news, all of everything to HIM, to God. I am seeing now (when it was told to me months ago) that I must complain up! Let me say that again, COMPLAIN UP. What will complaining to my husband get me, where will it take me, probably to an emotional boxing match. But, when I complain up to my Father, I am talking to the ONE with all of the control, to the only ONE who can actually do anything about whatever is going on.
Tonight, I asked God to give me something to share with my husband, something to show Paul that we are not the only ones who struggle with our differences. Sure enough, God answered me and brought me to an old email that I was about to delete. The email talked about husband and wife, both believers, who would do what they call "throwing flesh balls" at one another...what is that? Well that is when you are throwing ugly, hurtful, damaging words at one another just to satisfy the flesh. She talks about how we are able to keep it together with co-workers, friends, but when it comes to family it is a totally different story. Boy is she right.
So, what to do with this now? I will meditate on it, I will pray about it and I will live "walking by the Spirit" instead of "gratifying the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). Continue to pray with me, for my marriage, my husband, my sanity...And, know that you are not alone in an "at times ugly marriage". We all deal with it, and what should we do to fix it? Complain Up, ask God to walk with you and help you when the devil comes to start a new round in your marriage.

"Hatred starts fights, but love pulls a quilt over the bickering. You'll find wisdom on the lips of a person of insight," Proverbs 10:12-13a The Message

Did I mention...

I started this blog while home sick with a stomach virus that I got from my mother-in-law. And, now my son has it and my husband is trying to avoid getting it. That's right, I have been working on this all day between bathroom runs and sips of Pedialyte. Now, I am so excited because I found the app for blogspot for my itouch! Anyways, just thought I would try posting from here to see how it comes out! Going to bed... Nite!


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Potty Training