The last time I wrote I had no idea that I would be going into the hospital the very next day, and that when I came home I would be joined by Walter Benjamin. I woke up on the morning of September 27th, throwing up and having contractions. Back to the hospital we went and they determined I had some sort of infection that was causing the onset of my contractions. I was readmitted and at only 34 weeks, 7th day I would be medicated to keep baby in for as long as possible.
September 30, 2010
Paul and I have been married for four years, I couldn't wait for him to come to the hospital, so that I could tell him how much I loved him and how happy he made me. He had gone home the night before to stay with Zeke, and had to go to the farms before he could come and see me. The doctor had come in and informed me that today they would stop giving me the medicine that was stopping my contractions. I would not be receiving the next dose at 4 PM and my contractions would start getting worse. We were going to have a baby and possibly on our four year anniversary.
I was watching Friends and any other show I could get in English. Little did I know every other channel was showing an attack that was taking place across the street from the hospital where I was staying. I heard something that sounded like a fight outside of my hospital window and went to look. A man was hitting another man in the face and then turned and hit the woman that was accompanying the victim as well. And, ,people were yelling. I noticed that the woman in the room next to me was watching out the window as well. All of a sudden I saw people walking up the street with bright green banners shouting for President Rafael Correa.
Immediately, I sent Paul a message to call me and decided maybe I should watch a little TV in Spanish. I changed the channel to see complete chaos and my phone rang at the same time. Paul said that the President had been kidnapped and that he was on his way to me. He asked if I was ok and how things were around me. "I am fine and there seems to be protesting outside," I responded. Paul then explained that everything was taking place across the street. "Where is Zeke?!?!" I began to panic as I realized what this could mean. Not to worry, Paul had turned around from his trip to the farm and gone straight to get Zeke as soon as he heard the first report on the radio. The kidnapping of a president in this country could mean complete and utter chaos, the closing of roads, lack of security and Paul was well aware of this.
In a matter of minutes the streets filled with protesters, people coming to rescue the president. He had been attacked at the Police Headquarters across the street from the hospital where I was staying. He was then taken to the Police Hospital, which was on the same property as the Headquarters, but facing the other side of the street. He was barricaded in the hospital by the National Police and was not able to escape. People, everyday citizens, supporters of Correa were marching to his rescue. They were throwing rocks and bottles at the police who were blocking the presidents exit. And, the police attacked. All of a sudden there were people running back, away from something. Tear gas. The police were shooting tear gas grenades at the people to keep them away from the hospital...at close range. The grenades were hitting the people in the arms, legs, torsos, and I was watching it from my window. People were choking, falling to the ground and others were bringing them water once the smoke cleared. I turned on the T.V. and started searching the internet (thank God I brought my laptop with me) and the images were disturbing. I had met the president about a year before and he is a handsome man, who is always smiling. The pictures I saw were of a man in great distress, who had been betrayed by people who he had given so much too. I cried at the look on his face in the images, he was choking on tear gas and had a look of pure terror in his eyes. I made sure to tell my parents before they saw it themselves on the news, as I didn't want them to freak out. They were able to see the protesters via Skype out of my hospital window, however I couldn't keep the windows open much longer because the smoke began to come into the hospital.
The resident doctor came back in and informed me that I would be taking the medicine to control my contractions at 4 PM because the hospital was on lockdown. No one in and no one out. My doctor would not be able to enter the hospital if I did, in fact go into labor. I used her phone to call Paul and tell him that he would not be allowed to enter the hospital. He was just down the street from the hospital and said that the roads were closed, and that there were no police anywhere on the streets. He said that he would call me and check on me periodically. I could hear in his voice that he felt helpless. I let him know that I was okay and that I thought it would be safer anyways if he and Zeke were in the valley where things were calmer. He agreed and headed back home.
Nurses came suddenly, and started putting wet sheets in the window sills to stop the smoke from coming in. The police were getting closer to the back of the hospital and that meant the grenades were being shot closer to where we were. The street just behind my window was at first where people would run to escape the tear gas and cops. Now it had become a trap. The police had closed in on both ends of the street and there was a mass of people trapped between two barricades of weapon wielding police officers. The people were trying to climb the fence and enter the hospital in order to escape the police and tore down part of the fence. My nurse Irina and I were watching out of my window. The police were telling the people to move and were herding them onto the cross street through a small opening and then started shooting tear gas at them. All of a sudden a tear gas grenade landed under my window and another one under the window two rooms down. Nurse Irina and I turned and ran for the door. She ran down the hall to get help and telling people to come out of their rooms and into the hall. Smoke was coming in through our windows (they are not sealed like at home). She came back with a mask for me and then started handing them out to other patients. We had to wait for about 20 minutes for the smoke to clear out of our rooms before we were allowed back in.
While we waited outside of our rooms things outside calmed down. My eyes burned from the small amount of smoke that had entered my room. I went back in my room once the smell had dissipated and turned my attention back to the news. Things outside were quiet and I felt relieved for some peace. My throat, nose and ears burned, I kept coughing. I couldn't imagine how the president must have felt, having one of those grenades explode in his face. Finally, it was quiet.
However, Correa was still trapped in the Police Hospital and the country was standing still. There were no police out on the streets. It had gotten dark and there was no sense of security. Anyone that was at the hospital would be sleeping there, and the main reason they couldn't leave is because there was fear that they would be robbed. Two banks had been robbed, stores had been robbed. There were no police to stop the bad guys. They had abandoned their posts and left the people to feel helpless.
Suddenly, I heard heavy gunfire. Since it was dark I couldn't see anything out of my window and was a little scared to get close as I didn't know exactly where the police hospital was in relation to my hospital room. The news was showing that the Ecuadorian military was trying to rescue the president and that the police were retaliating. They didn't want anyone to take Correa away from them. They were waiting on him to fold and give in on the decision he had made to change the promotion time from five to seven years, that there would no longer be metals given at the promotion ceremonies and they wouldn't receive a large bonus at these promotions. They would, however be paid more monthly. They had already received better equipment, their barracks had been remodeled and fit with nicer furniture and at the moment they were shooting with the newly obtained weapons that he had given them. Correa told them that he would not change his mind and that it might be best that they read the new law before believing the word on the street. In fact, not one of them had actually read the law and the only thing that they had in fact understood was what was relayed to them by word of mouth. Right out of the mouth of someone who wanted to take Rafael Correa down, and had construed a plan to let the police do it.
The shooting got louder and this was the first time I was actually scared. I was scared for the people in the hospital, for the men that where out there trying to rescue their commander in chief and for the man that was in the middle of it all. I felt for a moment like I was in Iraq. It felt like being in a war zone, and my sense of security was stripped away at that moment. First, I opened my room door just incase I needed to run again. Then, I got in my bed, snuggled down in my covers and turned my attention to the news. There were camera crews out on the street and in the hospital capturing the scene. I watched in horror, cringing every time I saw them drop a camera as they ducked down to escape passing bullets. The most disturbing scene was when I saw the body of a military person fall off of the embankment and onto the sidewalk. He had been shot down by the police and his fellow military troops ran to his aid. He died right there in the street. All of a sudden, the camera men turn their attention to a car trying to enter the hospital parking lot. And, they are talking so fast that I lost what they are saying. The gun fire became louder and I watched as bullets hit the car. The car then drove off and the camera men stayed on the fight between the police and the military.
Suddenly, the channel shows the Presidential Palace balcony. President Rafael Correa walks to the balcony and wave to his followers who stand below on the street. It was like a David Copperfield trick. One second the news is reporting he is still in the hospital, and the next he is on his palace balcony addressing his nation. It was still a war zone outside of my hospital, as the police were now on a mission to kill anyone who came close. They had failed at keeping their prisoner and they were pissed about it. For almost 30 minutes after the president had escaped the gun fire continued. Although, I was so relieve to see the president safe, I was still feeling insecure and fearful. I was ready for peace, for cease of fire. And, when it finally came I had never been so happy for silence in my entire life. President Correa was stronger than ever, he was on fire as he spoke to his country and I felt a sense of security knowing that he was back in charge. The military took post where the police should have been and people could finally get some sleeping knowing that their country was back in some sort of order.
October 1, 2010
Paul came to see me and I don't think I had ever enjoyed a hug as much as I did that one. My doctor and the pediatrician came to talk to me and see how I was feeling. We made a decision to stop my contraction medication that afternoon. And, I could begin walking to help my labor come on it's own. Paul and I decided to take a walk outside and look around. The windows in the front of my hospital had been shot out. There were boards up, and they had already replaced some of the window panes. We stepped outside and I was shocked. The Police Headquarters where the whole thing started was right there beside us, I could throw a rock and hit it. I didn't realize just how close it all was. The police hospital was just around the corner. We started to walk through the parking lot and I looked up at the catwalk that connected the hospital to the medical building across the street in front of the hospital. The glass of the catwalk was full of bullet wholes, some that only went through the front side and others that showed where bullets had traveled through both sides. I was completely shaken. I had been so close without realizing it.
Benji was on his way. We had endured a lot the night before and now I felt ready. I was so blessed to have such a great team of nurses and doctors taking care of me, and now I was ready to have this baby and get out of the hospital.
My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. Psalm 62:7 NLT
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
The Walls...
We were startled awake to the sound of Zeke throwing up at 4:30 am. I think he may have eaten too much on our happy Saturday. He had an array of different foods, plus a good amount of watermelon seeds. So, needless to say we were up for the morning, all three of us and didn't get to take a nap until about 7:30. At 11:30 we woke. I was feeling more than depressed. I don't know if I can articulate the feeling that had taken over. I felt like a child, like I was 12 years old, and I didn't have the ability to make any decisions. Like I was married and pregnant at the age of 12 and I was sad. I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to move. I wanted to feel like an adult, but I felt trapped.
I couldn't tell you what day I got out of the hospital. I couldn't tell you what the day or date is. I know it is a day in September and the year is 2010. These walls have been closing in on me and I am losing my mind. I don't sleep well at night, with the baby partying and my sweet husbands light snore it is very difficult. Plus, I am not tired. I am in bed all day, and I find myself asleep at random times throughout. I just want things to be back to normal. Paul tried to get me to talk to him and all I could do was stare and tell him that it wasn't a good idea, I needed to be alone. He hadn't done anything wrong, hell he is doing everything more than right. Poor thing is cleaning, cooking, running after Zeke, checking on me constantly and trying to maintain his business all at the same time.
Finally, I snapped. "Get me out of this house. Now." I couldn't stand it anymore. The walls, they were coming down on me. I started crying. "Paul please, just take me out for a ride in the car. I need to get out of this house and see something, anything." Of course, he would move the Cotopaxi if I asked him too. He told me to give him a minute to think about where to go, so I got in the shower. And, I cried some more. I felt like I had cabin fever or something. I don't even know how many days I have been home from the hospital, it can't be too many.
So, he got me out of this bed, out of this house. Zeke was excited to have me go out the front door with them for once. He had on his sunglasses and was looking really cool. We went riding through the neighborhood first. Then he took me to get a brownie at the Hyper Market. We drove some more, but Paul made sure to go slow. He was worried about hitting bumps. I had the window down, and with every few miles I felt the life come back into me. Paul took me to Quito to do some site seeing, from the car window of course. And, I was finally coming back. Like a black and white photo that is slowly painted in. I was becoming brilliant, in living color. We were gone all afternoon and into the evening. And, when it was time to come back, I was OK. I was ready and not wanting to protest. I was inflated again and ready to return.
I am so thankful. My husband worried the entire time, but in the end it was worth it. I think he could see the difference in the girl he took out of the house and the woman he brought back home. I was refreshed and full of energy again. I was also exhausted, and from what? A car ride? Yes. It drained me, completely. Getting up to my room was a challenge, but I did it and I didn't say a word about being tired. I couldn't complain if I had to, I am so very appreciative that Paul took me out and helped me to find my sanity.
So, tomorrow I will be here again. All day in my bed. I will be on my iTouch, playing Lock 'n' roll, breeding fake fish, a little bit of Bejeweled 2, constant checks on Twitter and Facebook, and I think I can handle it. Tuesday I get to go to the doctor and then I will get another fresh-air fix! For now, I am going to bed. I should sleep very well tonight, and if I don't, well there is always tomorrow.
God please help me get through the next few weeks of bed rest. Give me mental strength and keep me busy. Help me to keep my sanity and help me to remember that You are in charge and that You are with me every second of everyday. Thank you Lord. In Your name and in the name of Your son Jesus Christ. Amen
I couldn't tell you what day I got out of the hospital. I couldn't tell you what the day or date is. I know it is a day in September and the year is 2010. These walls have been closing in on me and I am losing my mind. I don't sleep well at night, with the baby partying and my sweet husbands light snore it is very difficult. Plus, I am not tired. I am in bed all day, and I find myself asleep at random times throughout. I just want things to be back to normal. Paul tried to get me to talk to him and all I could do was stare and tell him that it wasn't a good idea, I needed to be alone. He hadn't done anything wrong, hell he is doing everything more than right. Poor thing is cleaning, cooking, running after Zeke, checking on me constantly and trying to maintain his business all at the same time.
Finally, I snapped. "Get me out of this house. Now." I couldn't stand it anymore. The walls, they were coming down on me. I started crying. "Paul please, just take me out for a ride in the car. I need to get out of this house and see something, anything." Of course, he would move the Cotopaxi if I asked him too. He told me to give him a minute to think about where to go, so I got in the shower. And, I cried some more. I felt like I had cabin fever or something. I don't even know how many days I have been home from the hospital, it can't be too many.
So, he got me out of this bed, out of this house. Zeke was excited to have me go out the front door with them for once. He had on his sunglasses and was looking really cool. We went riding through the neighborhood first. Then he took me to get a brownie at the Hyper Market. We drove some more, but Paul made sure to go slow. He was worried about hitting bumps. I had the window down, and with every few miles I felt the life come back into me. Paul took me to Quito to do some site seeing, from the car window of course. And, I was finally coming back. Like a black and white photo that is slowly painted in. I was becoming brilliant, in living color. We were gone all afternoon and into the evening. And, when it was time to come back, I was OK. I was ready and not wanting to protest. I was inflated again and ready to return.
I am so thankful. My husband worried the entire time, but in the end it was worth it. I think he could see the difference in the girl he took out of the house and the woman he brought back home. I was refreshed and full of energy again. I was also exhausted, and from what? A car ride? Yes. It drained me, completely. Getting up to my room was a challenge, but I did it and I didn't say a word about being tired. I couldn't complain if I had to, I am so very appreciative that Paul took me out and helped me to find my sanity.
So, tomorrow I will be here again. All day in my bed. I will be on my iTouch, playing Lock 'n' roll, breeding fake fish, a little bit of Bejeweled 2, constant checks on Twitter and Facebook, and I think I can handle it. Tuesday I get to go to the doctor and then I will get another fresh-air fix! For now, I am going to bed. I should sleep very well tonight, and if I don't, well there is always tomorrow.
God please help me get through the next few weeks of bed rest. Give me mental strength and keep me busy. Help me to keep my sanity and help me to remember that You are in charge and that You are with me every second of everyday. Thank you Lord. In Your name and in the name of Your son Jesus Christ. Amen
Thursday, September 23, 2010
In My Absence
Four months, that's right it has been four months since I have posted anything. I left here, home four months ago and abandoned my blog. I was a puking, skinny mess when I left. Zeke had even started mimicking my puking noises and thought that that was what the toilet was for. My mom came to save me, take care of me and Zeke and Paul because I was too sick to do anything. Pregnancy just isn't my thing, I can do the mom thing, I can handle the baby-toddler-kid part, I just can't do pregnancy.
So I went home. To Babylon. Yes that's right. If you have done the Beth Moore study of Daniel you will totally understand. I went to be comfortable, eat great food, get fat. I do say I needed it, but while I was home Babylon swallowed my family whole.
I was invited by the church at home to join and study with a group of wonderful women. I was so excited I couldn't stand it, I needed a group of women at home! I am always terrified to go home because of my "fun" past and what others may have heard or think about me. I hate going out in public and seeing people there because they have an idea about me that I don't want people to have. I am a changed woman, yet when put back in my hometown the change seems minimal. So, a group of Godly women to have beside me, to walk with me in my own hometown was something that I was thirsty for. Not to mention, my best friend of over 20 yrs was doing it with me. What more could I ask for. I must insert here that I didn't get the chance to finish the study with the women or Beth Moore. Babylon started attacking my family, and I had to put on my armor and go out on the battle field for them.
I prayed that my family would understand that money and materials would not sustain them, that they would be shown that God was the only way. That was my first prayer when I started the study of Daniel. However, I didn't know that God was listening so intently or that things would progress so rapidly.
My dad has had his business for over 32 years. He has always acclaimed to be the "best damn attorney in the world"! And, he still is. He is also too loving, too caring and too trusting. Is that possible? Well yes it is. He has always taken care of his secretaries, they have always had what they needed, if there was trouble or a problem John the Hammer Mauney was there to fix it for them, even if that meant that he went without. Mom and Dad loved their office staff and would have done (and have done) anything for them. Too bad that was all taken advantage of.
Dad had to make some changes to staff letting some ladies go due to the hard economic times, but kept his two "daughters" because he knew that as much as he needed them, they were needing him too. They both have family's young children and husbands that have been effected by the recent economic crisis, as well. And, their kids were like grandchildren. Mom and Dad are Nanny Bit and Papa John to all four of them.
One was his source of laughter, bringing him up, keeping things and clients in check. She dealt with criminals and she was good at it. She was his daily smile! And, she is so close to our family, I was there for the birth of both of her children, held her puke kidney, I call her when I need to talk, share everything with her! I have known her since I was 17 and have always looked up to her. She decided to leave in the beginning of the summer because she knew that times were tough and that he couldn't afford to keep her as she needed to be making more to keep up with her families needs. We couldn't really get rid of her though, she joined us at the pool every weekend and set up play dates for her kids and Zeke. She was still a constant. This is where I came in and started working for Dad. I could only make so much money due to my government assistance. And, I knew the office and how it worked better than anyone else. There wouldn't need to be much training, just getting to know prices and who to talk to at the courthouse for criminal questions.
The other was Dad's buddy. They had a great friendship. They understood one another on a different level. Dad was sensitive with her because she had a rough childhood, her family wasn't around, she had some facial scaring that she was very self conscious about and Dad got it. He helped her in every way that he could. They stayed in touch all the time via text messaging, sharing jokes or picking with one another. Dad was her Dad essentially, she didn't have that and it was just what she needed. She took on the burden of doing almost everything in the office and she was rewarded her for doing so.
Dad felt great. He had five kids, not three. He was able to be there for two more people, two people who looked up to him and trusted him. Two people who he could definitely trust. So, what the hell happened.
Well The latter of the two, gained his trust. He trusted her blindly. And, she robbed him blind. That's right. The State Bar calls and freezes his Trust accounts due to a bounced check. Actually, due to 5 bounced checks that he has been "notified" about, yet he has no idea. Why? She sabotaged his computer, saying that it had a virus and she couldn't fix it. She intercepted all of his emails, all of his mail and refrained from telling him that here was a problem. Why would she do that? Because she was moving money around and taking it. She didn't want him to worry, if he worried then Big Martha would come in and behind her would be Mean Kaye and they would discover what she was doing. This is exactly what happened when the Bar froze everything. And, we couldn't figure out what was wrong. The first questions the Bar asked, "Could the bookkeeper be doing something fraudulent?" Dad's answer, "Absolutely not! She is like a daughter to me and that is not what is going on, it must be a simple mistake!" Sorry Dad. After Big Martha and Mean Kaye started reconciling and going through the accounts they found discrepancy after discrepancy. She was taking money little by little, and moving things and making the biggest mess possible to hide it all. So, the police are now involved, she is fired. And, we are left to try and clean up a mess that is absolutely impossible to clean up. She deleted programs before she left, she took files, she sabotaged everything to try and save her some time. That is all it can do because she will be discovered.
So, now what do we do. Dad freaks out, he doesn't want to hurt her family, doesn't want her children to suffer. It isn't their fault. He gets sick with the flu and pneumonia, the stress literally eats him alive. Big Martha, Mean Kaye, Lucy and the twins, and myself go into action to start fixing stuff. The other secretary who had recently quit comes back to help, along with two other secretaries. All for free. There is no money. And, we work to try and get the Bar the things they need for the audit they are performing. We have to get things that are nearly impossible after the destruction of some of the programs. We have to filter all open files to other attorneys and turn down all business. We were closing up shop, this was it. This law office is all we know. I have worked for my dad for as long as I can remember, seriously. This is all that I know for my family and one person has single handedly ripped it away. We cried, all of us, at some point each day we were there. And, we would lay awake at night, not able to sleep, trying to figure out what we were going to do. We got things together for the audit on time, not everything, but as much as we could. And, the police and the Bar tell us that this investigation could take up to a year. A year? Seriously? How is Dad supposed to work? How do bills get paid? The only thing to do is to leave, go find jobs and start over, after 32 years.
We worked and stressed until we couldn't do it anymore. I had to make a decision as to what to do for Zeke and myself. We couldn't keep living with Nanny Bit and Papa John. They need their time and space to think and reorganize, to find a new place to live so that they can work to survive. I needed to come home. Thank God my husband was missing us just enough that he was begging us to join him and make things work here in Ecuador.
So, I came back. Zeke and I came home. Of course, the trip was stressful and the change in altitude hard. We made it though. I am now able to breath and get through my day without the stress of Babylon. The things that I thought I could get from the US, I can get right here. I have a wonderful doctor, I have great hospitals, and I have my family. Babylon offered me stress, and fear and good food. Every time I lay here with my husband and he can feel the baby kicking, I smile and then get scared all at once. What if I wake up? What if this is a dream? But, it isn't. This is real, and Zeke gets to go "bye bye" with Daddy and I get to enjoy having my husband around to help out and to watch me as I get fatter (if that is even possible). I am now on bed rest, with the fear of having a premature baby, but I am doing it and I am enjoying the fact that my husband is the one with me, taking care of me.
Mom and Dad are figuring things out, or God is figuring it out for them. Things are coming up here and there, opportunities of a lifetime that would have never come about otherwise. And, I can relax knowing that Zeke and I are not in their way, that we are where we should be and that Mom and Dad have their space. No stress, no screaming two year old, no bed ridden daughter. I feel like this would have happened regardless due to the stress and then they would have had more to deal with.
Now, I pray. I pray that Babylon doesn't eat them, but that they learn to escape the pretty sparkly deceptions that Babylon portrays. That God takes my parents on a journey that they will learn from. And, that God will stand up beside them and walk them down the road to the place that He wants them to be. I pray that I will be able to forgive the selfish young girl that took everything away, and that her family won't have to suffer, but that she will learn a lesson.
I have to thank the Summer Sisters for being the rock that I needed when Babylon took over. I have to thank them for inviting me in and helping me to learn enough about Babylon to see just what destruction would look like when it came time. And, for being so loving and supportive. They shared with me more than I expected and I learned so much from each and every woman I had the opportunity to meet.
I also must thank my parents. They are always there when I need them. When I need to come home, to get better, or to just get a little taste of the US they are so supportive. Dad has always been the strength of our family, he has always made things work and has always provided for us one way or another. He has always loved us, he always hugged us and made sure we knew we were loved. Mom, has always been there to make sure things are in order and working properly. She has been the one that fought for each of us, whether in school with teachers, or with friends. She always took our side and was there standing firm. We are so lucky to have them, we are so fortunate that they raised us right and taught us what it is to be honest and trustworthy. I couldn't have done half of the things I have done in my life if it hadn't been for them and for that I am grateful.
I have written a book here and I apologize. I just needed to get this all out, and to be able to clear my mind of the thing that has been causing so much pain since August 19th. Now that I am free of this, I will move on and concentrate on my family and my unborn child. I will rest easy and know that this is going to be a beautiful experience and that God his with me, holding me every step of the way.
"On Christ the solid rock I stand! All other ground is sinking sand." Posted on Twitter by MckMama
So I went home. To Babylon. Yes that's right. If you have done the Beth Moore study of Daniel you will totally understand. I went to be comfortable, eat great food, get fat. I do say I needed it, but while I was home Babylon swallowed my family whole.
I was invited by the church at home to join and study with a group of wonderful women. I was so excited I couldn't stand it, I needed a group of women at home! I am always terrified to go home because of my "fun" past and what others may have heard or think about me. I hate going out in public and seeing people there because they have an idea about me that I don't want people to have. I am a changed woman, yet when put back in my hometown the change seems minimal. So, a group of Godly women to have beside me, to walk with me in my own hometown was something that I was thirsty for. Not to mention, my best friend of over 20 yrs was doing it with me. What more could I ask for. I must insert here that I didn't get the chance to finish the study with the women or Beth Moore. Babylon started attacking my family, and I had to put on my armor and go out on the battle field for them.
I prayed that my family would understand that money and materials would not sustain them, that they would be shown that God was the only way. That was my first prayer when I started the study of Daniel. However, I didn't know that God was listening so intently or that things would progress so rapidly.
My dad has had his business for over 32 years. He has always acclaimed to be the "best damn attorney in the world"! And, he still is. He is also too loving, too caring and too trusting. Is that possible? Well yes it is. He has always taken care of his secretaries, they have always had what they needed, if there was trouble or a problem John the Hammer Mauney was there to fix it for them, even if that meant that he went without. Mom and Dad loved their office staff and would have done (and have done) anything for them. Too bad that was all taken advantage of.
Dad had to make some changes to staff letting some ladies go due to the hard economic times, but kept his two "daughters" because he knew that as much as he needed them, they were needing him too. They both have family's young children and husbands that have been effected by the recent economic crisis, as well. And, their kids were like grandchildren. Mom and Dad are Nanny Bit and Papa John to all four of them.
One was his source of laughter, bringing him up, keeping things and clients in check. She dealt with criminals and she was good at it. She was his daily smile! And, she is so close to our family, I was there for the birth of both of her children, held her puke kidney, I call her when I need to talk, share everything with her! I have known her since I was 17 and have always looked up to her. She decided to leave in the beginning of the summer because she knew that times were tough and that he couldn't afford to keep her as she needed to be making more to keep up with her families needs. We couldn't really get rid of her though, she joined us at the pool every weekend and set up play dates for her kids and Zeke. She was still a constant. This is where I came in and started working for Dad. I could only make so much money due to my government assistance. And, I knew the office and how it worked better than anyone else. There wouldn't need to be much training, just getting to know prices and who to talk to at the courthouse for criminal questions.
The other was Dad's buddy. They had a great friendship. They understood one another on a different level. Dad was sensitive with her because she had a rough childhood, her family wasn't around, she had some facial scaring that she was very self conscious about and Dad got it. He helped her in every way that he could. They stayed in touch all the time via text messaging, sharing jokes or picking with one another. Dad was her Dad essentially, she didn't have that and it was just what she needed. She took on the burden of doing almost everything in the office and she was rewarded her for doing so.
Dad felt great. He had five kids, not three. He was able to be there for two more people, two people who looked up to him and trusted him. Two people who he could definitely trust. So, what the hell happened.
Well The latter of the two, gained his trust. He trusted her blindly. And, she robbed him blind. That's right. The State Bar calls and freezes his Trust accounts due to a bounced check. Actually, due to 5 bounced checks that he has been "notified" about, yet he has no idea. Why? She sabotaged his computer, saying that it had a virus and she couldn't fix it. She intercepted all of his emails, all of his mail and refrained from telling him that here was a problem. Why would she do that? Because she was moving money around and taking it. She didn't want him to worry, if he worried then Big Martha would come in and behind her would be Mean Kaye and they would discover what she was doing. This is exactly what happened when the Bar froze everything. And, we couldn't figure out what was wrong. The first questions the Bar asked, "Could the bookkeeper be doing something fraudulent?" Dad's answer, "Absolutely not! She is like a daughter to me and that is not what is going on, it must be a simple mistake!" Sorry Dad. After Big Martha and Mean Kaye started reconciling and going through the accounts they found discrepancy after discrepancy. She was taking money little by little, and moving things and making the biggest mess possible to hide it all. So, the police are now involved, she is fired. And, we are left to try and clean up a mess that is absolutely impossible to clean up. She deleted programs before she left, she took files, she sabotaged everything to try and save her some time. That is all it can do because she will be discovered.
So, now what do we do. Dad freaks out, he doesn't want to hurt her family, doesn't want her children to suffer. It isn't their fault. He gets sick with the flu and pneumonia, the stress literally eats him alive. Big Martha, Mean Kaye, Lucy and the twins, and myself go into action to start fixing stuff. The other secretary who had recently quit comes back to help, along with two other secretaries. All for free. There is no money. And, we work to try and get the Bar the things they need for the audit they are performing. We have to get things that are nearly impossible after the destruction of some of the programs. We have to filter all open files to other attorneys and turn down all business. We were closing up shop, this was it. This law office is all we know. I have worked for my dad for as long as I can remember, seriously. This is all that I know for my family and one person has single handedly ripped it away. We cried, all of us, at some point each day we were there. And, we would lay awake at night, not able to sleep, trying to figure out what we were going to do. We got things together for the audit on time, not everything, but as much as we could. And, the police and the Bar tell us that this investigation could take up to a year. A year? Seriously? How is Dad supposed to work? How do bills get paid? The only thing to do is to leave, go find jobs and start over, after 32 years.
We worked and stressed until we couldn't do it anymore. I had to make a decision as to what to do for Zeke and myself. We couldn't keep living with Nanny Bit and Papa John. They need their time and space to think and reorganize, to find a new place to live so that they can work to survive. I needed to come home. Thank God my husband was missing us just enough that he was begging us to join him and make things work here in Ecuador.
So, I came back. Zeke and I came home. Of course, the trip was stressful and the change in altitude hard. We made it though. I am now able to breath and get through my day without the stress of Babylon. The things that I thought I could get from the US, I can get right here. I have a wonderful doctor, I have great hospitals, and I have my family. Babylon offered me stress, and fear and good food. Every time I lay here with my husband and he can feel the baby kicking, I smile and then get scared all at once. What if I wake up? What if this is a dream? But, it isn't. This is real, and Zeke gets to go "bye bye" with Daddy and I get to enjoy having my husband around to help out and to watch me as I get fatter (if that is even possible). I am now on bed rest, with the fear of having a premature baby, but I am doing it and I am enjoying the fact that my husband is the one with me, taking care of me.
Mom and Dad are figuring things out, or God is figuring it out for them. Things are coming up here and there, opportunities of a lifetime that would have never come about otherwise. And, I can relax knowing that Zeke and I are not in their way, that we are where we should be and that Mom and Dad have their space. No stress, no screaming two year old, no bed ridden daughter. I feel like this would have happened regardless due to the stress and then they would have had more to deal with.
Now, I pray. I pray that Babylon doesn't eat them, but that they learn to escape the pretty sparkly deceptions that Babylon portrays. That God takes my parents on a journey that they will learn from. And, that God will stand up beside them and walk them down the road to the place that He wants them to be. I pray that I will be able to forgive the selfish young girl that took everything away, and that her family won't have to suffer, but that she will learn a lesson.
I have to thank the Summer Sisters for being the rock that I needed when Babylon took over. I have to thank them for inviting me in and helping me to learn enough about Babylon to see just what destruction would look like when it came time. And, for being so loving and supportive. They shared with me more than I expected and I learned so much from each and every woman I had the opportunity to meet.
I also must thank my parents. They are always there when I need them. When I need to come home, to get better, or to just get a little taste of the US they are so supportive. Dad has always been the strength of our family, he has always made things work and has always provided for us one way or another. He has always loved us, he always hugged us and made sure we knew we were loved. Mom, has always been there to make sure things are in order and working properly. She has been the one that fought for each of us, whether in school with teachers, or with friends. She always took our side and was there standing firm. We are so lucky to have them, we are so fortunate that they raised us right and taught us what it is to be honest and trustworthy. I couldn't have done half of the things I have done in my life if it hadn't been for them and for that I am grateful.
I have written a book here and I apologize. I just needed to get this all out, and to be able to clear my mind of the thing that has been causing so much pain since August 19th. Now that I am free of this, I will move on and concentrate on my family and my unborn child. I will rest easy and know that this is going to be a beautiful experience and that God his with me, holding me every step of the way.
"On Christ the solid rock I stand! All other ground is sinking sand." Posted on Twitter by MckMama
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
He's growing up.
We got rid of the bottle at his first birthday. We lost his only pacifier about two weeks ago. Yesterday he ate a bowl of cereal (with the help of Nanny Bit) for breakfast and a hamburger all by himself for lunch! Yes, my baby boy is seriously getting to be too big. It breaks my heart, but there again I am soooo proud of him! Thought I would share an update pic of Zeke!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Thank God for...
MY MOTHER! I have spent the last 2 months vomiting and gagging and vomiting some more. I lost 17 pounds and absolutely none of my clothes fit! Mamma came March 31 and is still here, helping me daily with everything. I don't know what I would do without her, the smell of a dirty diaper sends me into a gagging fit! Nanny Bit, as Zeke will hopefully one day will be able to say (Bi is what he calls her for now) has been spending all of her time with her sweet baby boy! Zeke absolutely adores her and when he gets up in the morning is trying to go into her room to wake her up. I am so excited to see him with his Papa John when we return home! I couldn't have asked for better grandparents for my babies. I had a friend say tonight that Grandparents are only good for playing with the grandchildren. I set him straight right quick! Not my Mamma! She really is a HUGE help! Cooks, cleans, changes nasty Zeke butt, and so much more. Of course, Zeke helps, too! When I am throwing up he comes in the bathroom with me and pretends he is throwing up, too. And, then proceeds to shut the toilet lit on my head! Isn't he so sweet! It actually makes me laugh and feel a little better!
I must say, even with the sickness I know that I am blessed. I will be leaving soon to go back home, and I don't know whether to be completely excited or sickened even more with sadness. Paul will not be able to join me and once again I will be giving birth without my husband. This time I know that I can do it, without worrying about the bond of new baby and Daddy. Zeke loves his Daddy more than anything in this world. I guess that will be the hardest part, having to take Zeke away from Paul for 6 months. I pray for a miracle, that God will somehow make it possible for Paul to be there with me, but I know and accept that that may not be part of His plan! I will do whatever it is I have to do, knowing that the love of my life is here waiting for me and our 2 children to return. I am positive that I will have days where I just don't think I can do it without him, where Satan tries to step in and make me weak. I will push through though and all in my hope and faith in Christ! This baby is a true miracle from God and I move forward knowing that He has plans for my family that I can't even imagine! How wonderful! Please continue to pray for Paul, Zeke, Baby #2 and me! And, if you could pray that Baby #2 is a girl!!!
“But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” 1 Peter 3:15 (NIV)
I must say, even with the sickness I know that I am blessed. I will be leaving soon to go back home, and I don't know whether to be completely excited or sickened even more with sadness. Paul will not be able to join me and once again I will be giving birth without my husband. This time I know that I can do it, without worrying about the bond of new baby and Daddy. Zeke loves his Daddy more than anything in this world. I guess that will be the hardest part, having to take Zeke away from Paul for 6 months. I pray for a miracle, that God will somehow make it possible for Paul to be there with me, but I know and accept that that may not be part of His plan! I will do whatever it is I have to do, knowing that the love of my life is here waiting for me and our 2 children to return. I am positive that I will have days where I just don't think I can do it without him, where Satan tries to step in and make me weak. I will push through though and all in my hope and faith in Christ! This baby is a true miracle from God and I move forward knowing that He has plans for my family that I can't even imagine! How wonderful! Please continue to pray for Paul, Zeke, Baby #2 and me! And, if you could pray that Baby #2 is a girl!!!
“But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” 1 Peter 3:15 (NIV)
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Yes, it's true...
I am PREGNANT, again! This news came to us on Friday, after a week of vomiting and diarrhea that wouldn't go away. I was completely shocked, so why did I even take a test? Well my mother-in-law asked me twice, "Are you sure you aren't pregnant?" (of course she asked me in Spanish, as she doesn't speak any English), and my response was to laugh. Did you read my last post, my husband and I are dealing with difficulties in our marriage and pregnancy is almost impossible. However, I started trying to remember the last time my dear Aunt Flow came to visit, and it seems I am about 2 weeks late. AAAHHHH???? How, why, what in the hell are we going to do?
Thursday night, I get up the guts to tell Paul that I am late. His response, killing flies and mosquitoes, it was kinda funny and I could tell he was thinking. He did this, searching and killing for like 45 min. Finally, coming to sit with me on the couch and asking me how I felt about this. My response, tears. His, we have to work this out whether there is a baby or not. Um, THANK YOU GOD. Fasting gave me something I never expected, and a true miracle because in all honesty I didn't know you could ovulate just days after Aunt Flow packs up and leaves. Boy is God great.
Friday, I call my sister, Lucy and tell her that I have an emergency and I need to talk. We Skype all day and I finally have to pee so I can take the test. I don't tell her because then we will both suffer through a 3 min eternity together and it would probably prompt her to sing...haha! To my surprise, there are two blue lines and I want to faint. Lucy is feeling me and just looks at me when I tell her. "I have to call Paul, be quiet!", "Oh my God, Mom is gonna kill me", "The line is busy", "Lucy what am I gonna do?", and so on. When I finally get up with Paul, he is elated, excited, beside himself.
I don't know what it is, but my husband is the happiest when I am pregnant. He has been glowing since he found out. Of course, this makes me happy. He is telling everyone it is a girl this time...he is totally gonna jinx us! I am feeling different this time, boobs aren't terribly sore and I am not vomiting every 5 mins, yet. I am praying that God will help me this time and keep my vomiting to a minimum!
Oh, and my mom didn't kill me, she is excited! And, I am looking forward to my six month visit home, can't wait for American food!!! Well, this is it for now. Thank you to everyone for your prayers, God is listening and has something great up His sleeve!
"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." James 1:5 NIV
Thursday night, I get up the guts to tell Paul that I am late. His response, killing flies and mosquitoes, it was kinda funny and I could tell he was thinking. He did this, searching and killing for like 45 min. Finally, coming to sit with me on the couch and asking me how I felt about this. My response, tears. His, we have to work this out whether there is a baby or not. Um, THANK YOU GOD. Fasting gave me something I never expected, and a true miracle because in all honesty I didn't know you could ovulate just days after Aunt Flow packs up and leaves. Boy is God great.
Friday, I call my sister, Lucy and tell her that I have an emergency and I need to talk. We Skype all day and I finally have to pee so I can take the test. I don't tell her because then we will both suffer through a 3 min eternity together and it would probably prompt her to sing...haha! To my surprise, there are two blue lines and I want to faint. Lucy is feeling me and just looks at me when I tell her. "I have to call Paul, be quiet!", "Oh my God, Mom is gonna kill me", "The line is busy", "Lucy what am I gonna do?", and so on. When I finally get up with Paul, he is elated, excited, beside himself.
I don't know what it is, but my husband is the happiest when I am pregnant. He has been glowing since he found out. Of course, this makes me happy. He is telling everyone it is a girl this time...he is totally gonna jinx us! I am feeling different this time, boobs aren't terribly sore and I am not vomiting every 5 mins, yet. I am praying that God will help me this time and keep my vomiting to a minimum!
Oh, and my mom didn't kill me, she is excited! And, I am looking forward to my six month visit home, can't wait for American food!!! Well, this is it for now. Thank you to everyone for your prayers, God is listening and has something great up His sleeve!
"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." James 1:5 NIV
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Once again...
He, I am referring to God, has heard me and answered ever so sweetly. I didn't tell many of you, but I decided last Wednesday to fast while praying for my marriage. My dear husband and I have been skating on very thin ice for quite sometime. Sometimes we are able to find stable ground, but it doesn't last for long and once again we find ourselves feeling alone, and without hope. So, what did I choose to give up? Coke, caffeine, coffee, anything that wasn't water. Water was all I could have from Thursday morning when I woke up until Monday morning when I woke up. Talk about hard, I live in Ecuador, Coke is the only thing (besides JIF peanut butter) that tastes exactly the same as it does at home. Coke is my daily reward, my one thing that I didn't have to give up, but I did. I prayed each morning and each time my head pounded from the lack of caffeine, and I found myself on my knees asking God to help my marriage, soften my husbands heart, and to bring us a counselor that would be able to save this marriage.
Daily as I went through this process I saw where God was answering my prayers and subtly showing me His glory. Of course, Satan does his best, too. He would squeeze himself in every once-in-a-while to say, "Nana, nana, boo, boo, stick your head in doo, doo!" I'm telling you that is what he said. Yet, the power of God helped me to turn my back and walk from what Satan wanted me to do without looking back, without fear, and with great power. You see Satan loves to see Paul and I fight, it is like a really big boxing match on HBO for him and for us well, we get stuck with bruised hearts, swollen feelings and cauliflower ear. Through my faith and constant prayer, I was able to walk away before the fight begun, I was able to set my pride aside, set aside the yearning for that really big champion's belt, and let God deal with what was going on in Paul's heart at that moment.
Please, sit down for this, I am about to admit something that may shock you and cause you to get a little light headed. I HAVE GIVEN UP CONTROL...that's right...I surrender, everything, all emotions, all problems, all bad news, all of everything to HIM, to God. I am seeing now (when it was told to me months ago) that I must complain up! Let me say that again, COMPLAIN UP. What will complaining to my husband get me, where will it take me, probably to an emotional boxing match. But, when I complain up to my Father, I am talking to the ONE with all of the control, to the only ONE who can actually do anything about whatever is going on.
Tonight, I asked God to give me something to share with my husband, something to show Paul that we are not the only ones who struggle with our differences. Sure enough, God answered me and brought me to an old email that I was about to delete. The email talked about husband and wife, both believers, who would do what they call "throwing flesh balls" at one another...what is that? Well that is when you are throwing ugly, hurtful, damaging words at one another just to satisfy the flesh. She talks about how we are able to keep it together with co-workers, friends, but when it comes to family it is a totally different story. Boy is she right.
So, what to do with this now? I will meditate on it, I will pray about it and I will live "walking by the Spirit" instead of "gratifying the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). Continue to pray with me, for my marriage, my husband, my sanity...And, know that you are not alone in an "at times ugly marriage". We all deal with it, and what should we do to fix it? Complain Up, ask God to walk with you and help you when the devil comes to start a new round in your marriage.
"Hatred starts fights, but love pulls a quilt over the bickering. You'll find wisdom on the lips of a person of insight," Proverbs 10:12-13a The Message
Daily as I went through this process I saw where God was answering my prayers and subtly showing me His glory. Of course, Satan does his best, too. He would squeeze himself in every once-in-a-while to say, "Nana, nana, boo, boo, stick your head in doo, doo!" I'm telling you that is what he said. Yet, the power of God helped me to turn my back and walk from what Satan wanted me to do without looking back, without fear, and with great power. You see Satan loves to see Paul and I fight, it is like a really big boxing match on HBO for him and for us well, we get stuck with bruised hearts, swollen feelings and cauliflower ear. Through my faith and constant prayer, I was able to walk away before the fight begun, I was able to set my pride aside, set aside the yearning for that really big champion's belt, and let God deal with what was going on in Paul's heart at that moment.
Please, sit down for this, I am about to admit something that may shock you and cause you to get a little light headed. I HAVE GIVEN UP CONTROL...that's right...I surrender, everything, all emotions, all problems, all bad news, all of everything to HIM, to God. I am seeing now (when it was told to me months ago) that I must complain up! Let me say that again, COMPLAIN UP. What will complaining to my husband get me, where will it take me, probably to an emotional boxing match. But, when I complain up to my Father, I am talking to the ONE with all of the control, to the only ONE who can actually do anything about whatever is going on.
Tonight, I asked God to give me something to share with my husband, something to show Paul that we are not the only ones who struggle with our differences. Sure enough, God answered me and brought me to an old email that I was about to delete. The email talked about husband and wife, both believers, who would do what they call "throwing flesh balls" at one another...what is that? Well that is when you are throwing ugly, hurtful, damaging words at one another just to satisfy the flesh. She talks about how we are able to keep it together with co-workers, friends, but when it comes to family it is a totally different story. Boy is she right.
So, what to do with this now? I will meditate on it, I will pray about it and I will live "walking by the Spirit" instead of "gratifying the desires of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). Continue to pray with me, for my marriage, my husband, my sanity...And, know that you are not alone in an "at times ugly marriage". We all deal with it, and what should we do to fix it? Complain Up, ask God to walk with you and help you when the devil comes to start a new round in your marriage.
"Hatred starts fights, but love pulls a quilt over the bickering. You'll find wisdom on the lips of a person of insight," Proverbs 10:12-13a The Message
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Did I mention...
I started this blog while home sick with a stomach virus that I got from my mother-in-law. And, now my son has it and my husband is trying to avoid getting it. That's right, I have been working on this all day between bathroom runs and sips of Pedialyte. Now, I am so excited because I found the app for blogspot for my itouch! Anyways, just thought I would try posting from here to see how it comes out! Going to bed... Nite!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Where to start...
Well first things first, how in the heck did I become so computer illiterate? I can't figure this blogging thing out to save my life, yet I am needing to start this so that I can get all of my feelings out on paper (or screen, whatever). I don't know how well I will do at all of this writing stuff, I know that I love to write and that I need an outlet, so here it goes.
I read a few blogs almost daily and at the end of each read, I feel relieved. Of what, I am not sure, but I have been talking (to God) about writing my own blog and seeing where it takes me. I feel a need to be transparent, to let a little bit of the world in on my story and to speak to those as God wants me to. I also feel the need to learn as much as possible from those who read my blog. As a mother and wife, I crave information. I want to be the best or at least do my best at the jobs given to me.
I am grateful for this outlet, for the opportunity to write and let go of things pent up inside of me.
"My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me." Psalm 62:7
I read a few blogs almost daily and at the end of each read, I feel relieved. Of what, I am not sure, but I have been talking (to God) about writing my own blog and seeing where it takes me. I feel a need to be transparent, to let a little bit of the world in on my story and to speak to those as God wants me to. I also feel the need to learn as much as possible from those who read my blog. As a mother and wife, I crave information. I want to be the best or at least do my best at the jobs given to me.
I am grateful for this outlet, for the opportunity to write and let go of things pent up inside of me.
"My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me." Psalm 62:7
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